Welcome to Life Talk

An invitation to dialogue about interpersonal stuff

Photo by Belinda Fewings on Unsplash

Hi there! Thank you for visiting my very first Substack post. I’m thrilled you found me!

Why did I start a Substack? Lately, I’ve been thinking about trying new things. The last time I did this, I ended up relocating. I expanded my definition of home and now split my time between California and Puerto Rico. This geographic reconfiguration is working out great, so I thought, why not re-imagine my writing life?

As a college professor, most of my writing has been geared towards academic audiences. Recently, though, I’ve explored therapeutic writing and writing to create art. The result? More straight talk, less jargon. More vulnerability, less evasiveness.

This writerly shift wasn’t planned, but it was invigorating and, most importantly, fun. I felt like I was following the breadcrumbs of professional reinvention, and the signs along the path suggested I was headed in the right direction.

All Signs Point to “Yes!”

The first sign? My students. When I share writing—mine and others’—that is earnest and sometimes feels risky, my students respond positively. College students have powerful bullshit meters. They know when their instructors are being authentic and when they’re performing an academic stereotype. When I was a young professor, just 26 at the start, I suffered from imposter syndrome and adopted a scholarly persona to feel more confident. Fortunately, the insecurities that prompted me to wear pantsuits and high heels to work (I hate high heels!) fell away over the decades.

There are still times when I feel like an imposter. Perhaps some part of me worries people will see my awkward kid within, but I’ve learned that people are generous. Especially my students. I’ve also learned that the only non-negotiable requirement is to be myself.

Today, my goal is to write lessons and deliver lectures designed to spark curiosity and connect. I make it safe for students to share their ideas and to disagree with mine. Learning should be invigorating, not intimidating. Shared, not disseminated. (No wonder I love Substack!)

Since the mid-90s, I’ve taught courses on interpersonal communication. Topics like identity, intimacy, and personal growth are my academic currency. The research in this social science field has long fascinated me, and grounding lessons in peer-reviewed content is part of the gig. But I’ve come to believe that soul-to-soul sharing is what breathes life into the learning process. This has impacted my writing.

The Happiness Test

The second clue on my professional reinvention journey? I felt happier. In addition to writing papers for conferences and academic journals, I now spend time writing for pleasure, to heal myself, and to create art.

This shift in craft opened up new spaces in my thinking mind and tender heart. Writing transformed from “part of my job” into a creative and curative outlet. When I spend more time writing creatively and therapeutically, I think deeply about living a more satisfying life. Not just my life, but life in general. I ponder the magical threads that connect us to one another and long to participate in a larger conversation. What strategies work best for personal growth? What helps us cultivate loving relationships? Where do we get stuck? How do we find the strength to keep going? These are the sorts of questions I’ll explore in Life Talk.

The Power of Memoir

The final sign? I started writing a memoir. I didn’t know that’s what I was doing at first, but my life took some crazy turns when I moved to Puerto Rico, and I realized there was a story to tell. When I enrolled in a memoir writing class, the breadcrumbs turned into neon signs. “This is the way!” they blinked, impossible to ignore.

I penned stories inspired by my complicated family, my difficult youth, my students, and my work with justice-impacted people. I took notes on my phone when I heard an interesting phrase or when one of my students asked a question that ignited my imagination. I scribbled when unearthed secrets from my past caused shivers to run down my spine. I laughed, cried, raged … and finally, I changed.

Life Talk Goals

My Substack goal is to connect with people interested in the messy, beautiful, fascinating stuff of life—relationships with ourselves and others. Every semester, I interact with amazing students, but after 16 weeks, we part ways. I hope this Substack is a place where we can continue to communicate without a semester timeline attached. I also hope to meet new friends, memoirists, and others interested in interpersonal communication.

Writing a memoir is new for me. So is posting on Substack. Do you have thoughts about trying new things? Is there something new you’ve tried recently? How did it go, and what did you learn about yourself? I’d love to hear from you!